Is it just me, or are my post titles sounding more and more like fantasy novel titles?
Well, the Epistler is back, new and improved and now 10% less hungover! I had a great time hanging out with![]()
torylltales in person, for whom I did a live face-to-face sporking of the first chapter of Inheritance! I'm afraid it wasn't caught on film, so you'll just have to take my word for it. At least now one person knows what faces I pull while reading this crap, and also the various "GAH!" and "WHAT??" exclaimations. Also facepalming, and a lot of it.
Anyway, having read just this opening chapter I came to a conclusion which I'll be making a central theme of my eventual review: Paolini doesn't give a shit any more.
Yes, I know we were already aware of that, but I had no idea it would be so incredibly obvious in the actual prose. It's so indifferently written that there isn't even any basic continuity within individual scenes. The characters themselves can't even seem to keep up with what's going on at any given time. For instance, when Saphira is injured Eragon completely forgets about it for more than a paragraph while she's being healed, and starts talking about something completely unrelated. He doesn't even bother to pay attention to the healing. Then afterwards he suddenly notices again and pretends he was super scared about Saphira's wellbeing. Not.
One moment there's a glass "mosaic" on the front wall of the "keep" (ridiculous). Then it's suddenly on the ground (even more ridiculous). And then a page later they're suddenly standing on "flagstones" instead. Where did the "mosaic" go? No idea. It's never brought up again.
All in all I got the extremely distinct impression that not only was Paolini not paying attention, but that he felt as if he shouldn't have to. Or worse, just didn't want to. "Who cares? It'll sell a squillion copies anyway and everyone will praise it to the skies. Why waste my time?"
Personally I find this scenario all too believable. We already know he's bored with the series, and it's entirely possible he's secretly humiliated that he's famous for having written a book he now realises is recycled garbage. Either that or he now takes a dim view of his readership (I know I do) and doesn't care about doing his best to write a good book for them. In any case I'm picking up on a serious case of cynicism here.
Not cool, Chris.
In other news, my sporking of the self-published edition of Eragon will now definitely not be going ahead. Clearly the endeavour was cursed from day one. Not only did the seller send me the wrong bloody book, but when they sent me the correct edition - you're not going to believe this, but I swear it's true - someone stole the parcel off my doorstep.
Hey, good luck with that, asshole! You're now the proud owner of one of the worst novels ever published. Happy reading! Hey, who said there was no such thing as karma?
But all is not lost. While all this was going on,![]()
the_bishop8 was able to obtain a copy. So I'll be handing the sporking over to him, and good riddance. Instead, I'll be taking the next Brisingr chapter spork in his place. Suits me absolutely fine.
*irritable muttering*
Well, the Epistler is back, new and improved and now 10% less hungover! I had a great time hanging out with
torylltales in person, for whom I did a live face-to-face sporking of the first chapter of Inheritance! I'm afraid it wasn't caught on film, so you'll just have to take my word for it. At least now one person knows what faces I pull while reading this crap, and also the various "GAH!" and "WHAT??" exclaimations. Also facepalming, and a lot of it.Anyway, having read just this opening chapter I came to a conclusion which I'll be making a central theme of my eventual review: Paolini doesn't give a shit any more.
Yes, I know we were already aware of that, but I had no idea it would be so incredibly obvious in the actual prose. It's so indifferently written that there isn't even any basic continuity within individual scenes. The characters themselves can't even seem to keep up with what's going on at any given time. For instance, when Saphira is injured Eragon completely forgets about it for more than a paragraph while she's being healed, and starts talking about something completely unrelated. He doesn't even bother to pay attention to the healing. Then afterwards he suddenly notices again and pretends he was super scared about Saphira's wellbeing. Not.
One moment there's a glass "mosaic" on the front wall of the "keep" (ridiculous). Then it's suddenly on the ground (even more ridiculous). And then a page later they're suddenly standing on "flagstones" instead. Where did the "mosaic" go? No idea. It's never brought up again.
All in all I got the extremely distinct impression that not only was Paolini not paying attention, but that he felt as if he shouldn't have to. Or worse, just didn't want to. "Who cares? It'll sell a squillion copies anyway and everyone will praise it to the skies. Why waste my time?"
Personally I find this scenario all too believable. We already know he's bored with the series, and it's entirely possible he's secretly humiliated that he's famous for having written a book he now realises is recycled garbage. Either that or he now takes a dim view of his readership (I know I do) and doesn't care about doing his best to write a good book for them. In any case I'm picking up on a serious case of cynicism here.
Not cool, Chris.
In other news, my sporking of the self-published edition of Eragon will now definitely not be going ahead. Clearly the endeavour was cursed from day one. Not only did the seller send me the wrong bloody book, but when they sent me the correct edition - you're not going to believe this, but I swear it's true - someone stole the parcel off my doorstep.
Hey, good luck with that, asshole! You're now the proud owner of one of the worst novels ever published. Happy reading! Hey, who said there was no such thing as karma?
But all is not lost. While all this was going on,
the_bishop8 was able to obtain a copy. So I'll be handing the sporking over to him, and good riddance. Instead, I'll be taking the next Brisingr chapter spork in his place. Suits me absolutely fine.*irritable muttering*