Aaaah, what a beautiful morning. I was having the most wonderful dream, too. It was about me cutting Azhure in half with a broadsword. Waking up was an exercise in profound disappointment I can tell you.
In this chapter Faraday hangs out at the capital, which is now snowbound. The narrator dictates that she and Yr have become super close and actually sleep in the same bed at night, and the author accidentally implies that they’re screwing each other as well when she says it’s a really big bed but they never seem to lose each other, and Yr offers Faraday “a virtually bottomless well of comfort”. But, you know, no homo or anything. *cough*
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Unfortunately, even in this day and age you mostly have to get your fictional homoeroticism via unintentional subtext. Aaaannd.... I just realised why certain subsets of every fandom are so obsessed with making everyone gay. Can't believe it took me this long.
In between diddling the maid Faraday wonders about the evil magical chalice, which has been given to Jayme and Moryson for safekeeping. Yet again she asks herself who enchanted the thing and how. Then she stops wondering about that and asks Yr to hold all her calls while she goes back to the Sacred Grove thingy. She asks why Timozel has turned into such a jerk. Or, as she puts it “Why [has] he turned from a loving, cheerful youth into the dark and brooding man he is today?”
Who in the hell talks like this?! Oh, right – Sara Douglass characters do. Sigh.
Yr says she has no idea, and Faraday says she’s overhead him mention visions but doesn’t know what they are.
Wait – can’t the Sentinels read minds? And wasn’t Faraday gaining the ability to do it too? So why the hell don’t they just use that to figure out what’s bothering Timozel? And especially given that Faraday thinks about how she wants to help him!
Did the author seriously just forget that these two characters CAN READ MINDS? And are now discussing what someone they know HAS ON HIS MIND BUT THEY CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT? Are these two seriously just that dense? Or does this author just plain suck at her job?
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In fact if I'm not mistaken, the whole mind-reading business is never seen or used again. Otherwise Faraday would have, y'know, read Axis' mind and figured out he fucking CHEATED ON HER.
Faraday goes back into the Sacred Grove and returns to the mysterious hut she found. The old hag with the anime eyes is there, and Faraday thinks she’s the Mother. But nope – she’s actually someone else named Ur. Great, another annoying “mysterious” character. An entirely useless one at that.
Like everyone else Ur talks to Faraday like she’s a small child, and invites her to check out the garden. When Faraday realises it’s a nursery Ur calls her “good girl!” repeatedly. Shut up, you old bag. The “nursery” turns out to be full of terracotta pots with seedlings in them, and Ur says they’re part of the stupid prophecy. Apparently they’re the “age old souls locked into their cribs” the prophecy mentions. Because duh, of course they are. I mean obviously, right?
Each seedling is due to become a big old tree, and it’s gonna be Faraday’s job to plant them.
Yes, that’s seriously Faraday’s job in all this. She’s gonna be a glorified gardener. I’m not kidding. That’s all she’s gonna do (other than get damselled-in-distressed later on like a good little woman).
She's gonna plant trees.
Without a shovel.
Oh, but there’s more. She also has to learn the name of every seedling. And there are thousands of them. Why do they have names? Because while the male Banes turn into Stag Heads, the females… turn into trees. And have been doing so for FIFTEEN THOUSAND YEARS.
Wait, so the Avar have been around for FIFTEEN THOUSAND YEARS and they’re still living in the stone age?! What the hell kind of historian wrote this rubbish?
A quick cut takes us back to Raum, who’s transforming but knows something isn’t right and he needs Faraday to help him complete whatever it is. I… actually don’t remember what comes of this, so we’ll see.
Cut back to Faraday who heads out for her last Audience before New Year (yes, “audience” is capitalised for no reason because stupid fantasy novel). Yr, slutty as always, says while Faraday deals with that she’s gonna watch the palace guard doing their, uh, “calisthenics”. Right, whatever.
In the next chapter we return to Jervois Landing where Demi Moore is fighting Skraelings. Or rather he’s preparing to fight Skraelings while expositing about the situation and the makeup of the army, etc. Borneheld joins him, and Demi thinks about how the guy has won his “grudging respect” because he fights bravely among his troops. Oh, but boohoo, he favours tough discipline over “encouragement”. How terrible.
Again, how is Borneheld any different from Axis? And why does Borneheld only get “grudging” respect instead of just respect? Because he’s not the StarMan Mary Sue? I have a nasty feeling the answer to that is yes, and fuck this book.
The Skraelings attack, and Borneheld and Demi fight for a few pages. Borneheld’s strategy of using canals and trenches to split their forces… actually works really well.
But again, Axis, whose only strategy so far is pretty much just charge in guns blazing, is the superior commander.
Somehow.
The fighting stops for a while, and people take the opportunity to rest and pray to their various gods. And – oh, this is just disgusting – some of the local humans, rather than praying to Artor… mutter Axis’ name instead, and we get this bullshit about how people “told of the golden man who rode out to meet their own dour and singularly unmajestic King”.
Here we go again, ragging on poor damn Borneheld just to make Axis look good by comparison.
And this here – right here – is the best the author could manage. No, no, don’t bother to make Axis an admirable character on his own or anything. Just keep comparing him favourably to someone else who isn’t as cool (according to your own narrow-minded judgement anyway).
This is pathetic. Truly, deeply pathetic. How is it Borneheld’s fault that he’s not the half-Icarii magical prophecised Mary Sue hero guy? Honestly, this just plain smacks of bullying. Incredibly childish, petty-minded bullying. And it's not even one of the characters doing it this time - it's the author.
After this Demi meets up with his pals in secret, and says it’s now the time when they should have joined up with Axis as promised. But he doesn’t want to abandon the front here – which makes him far more honourable and decent a guy than Margarita, but we’re not supposed to think about that. Still he doesn’t want Axis to think they’ve reneged on their promise.
His solution is actually a sensible one – he’s gonna send a small detachment to meet Axis and tell him what’s going on, and in the meantime send small groups of mostly women and children to Sigholt. We then get an infodump about how Ravensbund women can fight just as well as the men. How very progressive.
Finally if it gets to the point where the situation here improves, Demi will ditch Borneheld and lead all his people to Axis SueSoar. Lovely.
Speaking of Axis, we cut back to him returning to his guys in the field. He meets up with Belial and Margarita and starts going on and on about how amazing his stupid Sue Baby is, then rather amusingly realises he’s boring the shit out of the pair of them. Sounds like the author knew what it’s like to be forced to listen to an adoring new parent rattle on about their little bundle of joy.
Instead they move on to talking about the military situation, and it’s just as boring as far as I’m concerned. Call me crazy but I’m just not all that excited by watching people stand around talking about what they’re going to do in minute, obsessive detail. Couldn’t we just be shown the actual battle and find out what strategy they’re using as it happens?
They finally decide to find the SkraeBold general and kill him. So Axis sends his pet eagle to scout, and can apparently see through the thing’s eyes. Also the eagle is really FreeFall or something ridiculous like that.
The eagle finds the SkraeBold, and we then get a POV from the beastie, who infodumps for several pages about what he’s been up to before wondering where Axis is since he hasn’t been seen in a while. The eagle lands in front of him and speaks with Axis’ voice, saying his forces are screwed and he’s badly injured. The SkraeBold, typically stupid, instantly falls for it. Eagle-Axis then challenges the SkraeBold to honourable single combat, winner takes all, and the SkraeBold falls for that too. Wow, what a formidable opponent this guy is.
He tries to attack the eagle for some reason, but it flies off, and Axis and Co. watch from a distance while the SkraeBold chases the thing. Finally the eagle flies down and lands on Axis’ arm and the Skraebold – holy shit – actually takes advantage of being able to fly and swoops right on him… only to slam into the ground really hard, because that wasn’t Axis at all. It was just a magic hologram of him.
Apparently Axis is Loki now.
The real Axis appears and makes fun of the SkraeBold, who’s broken a wing. The SkraeBold tries to use magic to disappear, but Axis casts a counter-spell which confuses the thing, and then cuts it a good one with his sword.
Wait, didn’t Axis offer to fight in honourable single combat? Because this is hardly honourable. He’s relying on underhanded tactics and magic cheats to win! ASSHOLE. I know I keep saying this, but what precisely is heroic about this lying, cheating piece of shit?
After a short fight scene he kills the SkraeBold, which “hiccups” at him that “you tricked me” and then dies. It wasn’t exactly a difficult job, moron.
And speaking of morons, that one SkraeBold was literally the only commander the Skraeling army had. The moment it’s dead the Skraelings all leave. Worst. Army. Ever. Gorgrael doesn’t really care because now he can use the remains of the dead SkraeBold to make more gryphons.
What makes him think gryphons will be any more effective than Skraelings? They can’t seep through armour and have far more spots to be hit with weapons, plus they’re, y’know, animals. Who can't talk. I’m seeing more than a few holes in this plan, O Terrifying Arch Villain.
Cut back to Axis SueSoar returning to Sigholt now the battle has been easily won (so just like all the other battles he’s been in so far). He finds a bunch of Nors people who have just arrived, and at their head is some guy who says news of the stupid Prophecy has spread as far as Nor. I am not surprised, and “Nor” do I care. (I’m so funny).
Nors Leader Guy has a present for Axis. We don’t get to see it, but Axis immediately thinks he knows what to do with it.
Cut to Azhure in the next chapter bitching and whining about how she doesn’t have a decent horse, wah wah. So of course the present turns out to be an awesome beautiful perfect horse, which Axis gives to her on the spot. How ridiculously predictable.
Between the constant rhapsodising about her looks and the ever-growing pile of shiny accessories, Azhure is really just coming off as a glorified Barbie Doll by this point. But without any of the likability.
Honestly, that's a pretty apt comparison now I think about it. Mary Sues are Sues in the first place largely because the author treats them like a doll or an action figure, rather than a human being. Instead of characterisation they just get accessories, and the author constantly obsesses over their hair and clothes.
Now would seem an appropriate time to mention that as a kid I hated playing with dolls and thought it was boring. Watching someone else play with their dolls is even less interesting, and especially so when a) It's a grown fucking adult, and b) They have the gall to write it down and call it a serious work of fiction. Paolini is exactly the same, except he treats his Sues like video game protagonists.
In this chapter Faraday hangs out at the capital, which is now snowbound. The narrator dictates that she and Yr have become super close and actually sleep in the same bed at night, and the author accidentally implies that they’re screwing each other as well when she says it’s a really big bed but they never seem to lose each other, and Yr offers Faraday “a virtually bottomless well of comfort”. But, you know, no homo or anything. *cough*
Unfortunately, even in this day and age you mostly have to get your fictional homoeroticism via unintentional subtext. Aaaannd.... I just realised why certain subsets of every fandom are so obsessed with making everyone gay. Can't believe it took me this long.
In between diddling the maid Faraday wonders about the evil magical chalice, which has been given to Jayme and Moryson for safekeeping. Yet again she asks herself who enchanted the thing and how. Then she stops wondering about that and asks Yr to hold all her calls while she goes back to the Sacred Grove thingy. She asks why Timozel has turned into such a jerk. Or, as she puts it “Why [has] he turned from a loving, cheerful youth into the dark and brooding man he is today?”
Who in the hell talks like this?! Oh, right – Sara Douglass characters do. Sigh.
Yr says she has no idea, and Faraday says she’s overhead him mention visions but doesn’t know what they are.
Wait – can’t the Sentinels read minds? And wasn’t Faraday gaining the ability to do it too? So why the hell don’t they just use that to figure out what’s bothering Timozel? And especially given that Faraday thinks about how she wants to help him!
Did the author seriously just forget that these two characters CAN READ MINDS? And are now discussing what someone they know HAS ON HIS MIND BUT THEY CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT? Are these two seriously just that dense? Or does this author just plain suck at her job?
In fact if I'm not mistaken, the whole mind-reading business is never seen or used again. Otherwise Faraday would have, y'know, read Axis' mind and figured out he fucking CHEATED ON HER.
Faraday goes back into the Sacred Grove and returns to the mysterious hut she found. The old hag with the anime eyes is there, and Faraday thinks she’s the Mother. But nope – she’s actually someone else named Ur. Great, another annoying “mysterious” character. An entirely useless one at that.
Like everyone else Ur talks to Faraday like she’s a small child, and invites her to check out the garden. When Faraday realises it’s a nursery Ur calls her “good girl!” repeatedly. Shut up, you old bag. The “nursery” turns out to be full of terracotta pots with seedlings in them, and Ur says they’re part of the stupid prophecy. Apparently they’re the “age old souls locked into their cribs” the prophecy mentions. Because duh, of course they are. I mean obviously, right?
Each seedling is due to become a big old tree, and it’s gonna be Faraday’s job to plant them.
Yes, that’s seriously Faraday’s job in all this. She’s gonna be a glorified gardener. I’m not kidding. That’s all she’s gonna do (other than get damselled-in-distressed later on like a good little woman).
She's gonna plant trees.
Without a shovel.
Oh, but there’s more. She also has to learn the name of every seedling. And there are thousands of them. Why do they have names? Because while the male Banes turn into Stag Heads, the females… turn into trees. And have been doing so for FIFTEEN THOUSAND YEARS.
Wait, so the Avar have been around for FIFTEEN THOUSAND YEARS and they’re still living in the stone age?! What the hell kind of historian wrote this rubbish?
A quick cut takes us back to Raum, who’s transforming but knows something isn’t right and he needs Faraday to help him complete whatever it is. I… actually don’t remember what comes of this, so we’ll see.
Cut back to Faraday who heads out for her last Audience before New Year (yes, “audience” is capitalised for no reason because stupid fantasy novel). Yr, slutty as always, says while Faraday deals with that she’s gonna watch the palace guard doing their, uh, “calisthenics”. Right, whatever.
In the next chapter we return to Jervois Landing where Demi Moore is fighting Skraelings. Or rather he’s preparing to fight Skraelings while expositing about the situation and the makeup of the army, etc. Borneheld joins him, and Demi thinks about how the guy has won his “grudging respect” because he fights bravely among his troops. Oh, but boohoo, he favours tough discipline over “encouragement”. How terrible.
Again, how is Borneheld any different from Axis? And why does Borneheld only get “grudging” respect instead of just respect? Because he’s not the StarMan Mary Sue? I have a nasty feeling the answer to that is yes, and fuck this book.
The Skraelings attack, and Borneheld and Demi fight for a few pages. Borneheld’s strategy of using canals and trenches to split their forces… actually works really well.
But again, Axis, whose only strategy so far is pretty much just charge in guns blazing, is the superior commander.
Somehow.
The fighting stops for a while, and people take the opportunity to rest and pray to their various gods. And – oh, this is just disgusting – some of the local humans, rather than praying to Artor… mutter Axis’ name instead, and we get this bullshit about how people “told of the golden man who rode out to meet their own dour and singularly unmajestic King”.
Here we go again, ragging on poor damn Borneheld just to make Axis look good by comparison.
And this here – right here – is the best the author could manage. No, no, don’t bother to make Axis an admirable character on his own or anything. Just keep comparing him favourably to someone else who isn’t as cool (according to your own narrow-minded judgement anyway).
This is pathetic. Truly, deeply pathetic. How is it Borneheld’s fault that he’s not the half-Icarii magical prophecised Mary Sue hero guy? Honestly, this just plain smacks of bullying. Incredibly childish, petty-minded bullying. And it's not even one of the characters doing it this time - it's the author.
After this Demi meets up with his pals in secret, and says it’s now the time when they should have joined up with Axis as promised. But he doesn’t want to abandon the front here – which makes him far more honourable and decent a guy than Margarita, but we’re not supposed to think about that. Still he doesn’t want Axis to think they’ve reneged on their promise.
His solution is actually a sensible one – he’s gonna send a small detachment to meet Axis and tell him what’s going on, and in the meantime send small groups of mostly women and children to Sigholt. We then get an infodump about how Ravensbund women can fight just as well as the men. How very progressive.
Finally if it gets to the point where the situation here improves, Demi will ditch Borneheld and lead all his people to Axis SueSoar. Lovely.
Speaking of Axis, we cut back to him returning to his guys in the field. He meets up with Belial and Margarita and starts going on and on about how amazing his stupid Sue Baby is, then rather amusingly realises he’s boring the shit out of the pair of them. Sounds like the author knew what it’s like to be forced to listen to an adoring new parent rattle on about their little bundle of joy.
Instead they move on to talking about the military situation, and it’s just as boring as far as I’m concerned. Call me crazy but I’m just not all that excited by watching people stand around talking about what they’re going to do in minute, obsessive detail. Couldn’t we just be shown the actual battle and find out what strategy they’re using as it happens?
They finally decide to find the SkraeBold general and kill him. So Axis sends his pet eagle to scout, and can apparently see through the thing’s eyes. Also the eagle is really FreeFall or something ridiculous like that.
The eagle finds the SkraeBold, and we then get a POV from the beastie, who infodumps for several pages about what he’s been up to before wondering where Axis is since he hasn’t been seen in a while. The eagle lands in front of him and speaks with Axis’ voice, saying his forces are screwed and he’s badly injured. The SkraeBold, typically stupid, instantly falls for it. Eagle-Axis then challenges the SkraeBold to honourable single combat, winner takes all, and the SkraeBold falls for that too. Wow, what a formidable opponent this guy is.
He tries to attack the eagle for some reason, but it flies off, and Axis and Co. watch from a distance while the SkraeBold chases the thing. Finally the eagle flies down and lands on Axis’ arm and the Skraebold – holy shit – actually takes advantage of being able to fly and swoops right on him… only to slam into the ground really hard, because that wasn’t Axis at all. It was just a magic hologram of him.
Apparently Axis is Loki now.
The real Axis appears and makes fun of the SkraeBold, who’s broken a wing. The SkraeBold tries to use magic to disappear, but Axis casts a counter-spell which confuses the thing, and then cuts it a good one with his sword.
Wait, didn’t Axis offer to fight in honourable single combat? Because this is hardly honourable. He’s relying on underhanded tactics and magic cheats to win! ASSHOLE. I know I keep saying this, but what precisely is heroic about this lying, cheating piece of shit?
After a short fight scene he kills the SkraeBold, which “hiccups” at him that “you tricked me” and then dies. It wasn’t exactly a difficult job, moron.
And speaking of morons, that one SkraeBold was literally the only commander the Skraeling army had. The moment it’s dead the Skraelings all leave. Worst. Army. Ever. Gorgrael doesn’t really care because now he can use the remains of the dead SkraeBold to make more gryphons.
What makes him think gryphons will be any more effective than Skraelings? They can’t seep through armour and have far more spots to be hit with weapons, plus they’re, y’know, animals. Who can't talk. I’m seeing more than a few holes in this plan, O Terrifying Arch Villain.
Cut back to Axis SueSoar returning to Sigholt now the battle has been easily won (so just like all the other battles he’s been in so far). He finds a bunch of Nors people who have just arrived, and at their head is some guy who says news of the stupid Prophecy has spread as far as Nor. I am not surprised, and “Nor” do I care. (I’m so funny).
Nors Leader Guy has a present for Axis. We don’t get to see it, but Axis immediately thinks he knows what to do with it.
Cut to Azhure in the next chapter bitching and whining about how she doesn’t have a decent horse, wah wah. So of course the present turns out to be an awesome beautiful perfect horse, which Axis gives to her on the spot. How ridiculously predictable.
Between the constant rhapsodising about her looks and the ever-growing pile of shiny accessories, Azhure is really just coming off as a glorified Barbie Doll by this point. But without any of the likability.
Honestly, that's a pretty apt comparison now I think about it. Mary Sues are Sues in the first place largely because the author treats them like a doll or an action figure, rather than a human being. Instead of characterisation they just get accessories, and the author constantly obsesses over their hair and clothes.
Now would seem an appropriate time to mention that as a kid I hated playing with dolls and thought it was boring. Watching someone else play with their dolls is even less interesting, and especially so when a) It's a grown fucking adult, and b) They have the gall to write it down and call it a serious work of fiction. Paolini is exactly the same, except he treats his Sues like video game protagonists.