Remember how Eragon burns babies alive and Roran laughs and grins while slaughtering people? Yeah, turns out that's more common in Sue stories than you might expect. Brace yourselves...
Also,
foaming_beast could I get an "enchanter sporking" tag? Thanks.
The next chapter is with – oh joy – Azhure. She’s trying to convince Axis and the other commanders that some plan of hers will work. Yes, let’s all listen to the untrained peasant with maybe two months of experience in the field. I wouldn’t trust this woman to plan Laundry Day.
From this opening hook we cut to – oh goodie – infodumping. This is, you will recall, a trick Paolini also likes to pull. Open with a hook, then cut to flashback/infodump. Apparently since the Ravensbund nicked off, Axis has ordered the Icarii to ease off and has more or less left Borneheld to his own devices since the Skraelings have been mostly defeated and it’ll be Spring soon.
Cut back to the present moment, and apparently Azhure has “conceived of a final strike against the Skraelings”. What, is she suggesting they give them some free blankets infected with smallpox?
…oh, I did not just go there.
Belial asks if it’s worth it and Azhure is all like DUH, of course it’s worth it, and they should attack Isengar- uh, I mean Hsingard. More infodumping informs us that the city is in ruins and is full of Skraelings who may or may not be using it as a base. Azhure keeps insisting that they should attack it. Margarita steps in and points out that it could well be a trap. He takes the opportunity to remind Axis about what happened at Gherkintown.
Naturally Axis is on Azhure’s side. Rather than, y’know, listening to the actual military commanders at the table. I really wish someone would call him out on his obvious favouritism, and hopefully say something like “you’re listening to her above the rest of us just because she has your balls in her purse! WAKE UP, man!” But nope, not going to happen. Can't risk giving Axis an acknowledged flaw, after all.
Azhure keeps arguing, and outlines a strategy of attack. I know I’m beating a dead horse by this point, but when the fuck she she know anything about military strategy? I mean really. Axis continues to agree with her, and when Belial “pleads” with him to use some goddamn common sense, he starts whining about how he’s been doing nothing but sit safely at home (correct) and wants to see some action. But as you will soon see, "action" involving Axis is always boring, easy, and 100% safe. With Borneheld you get World War One. With Axis you get an FPS on godmode.
Belial calls the whole idea “foolish” (this of course means he will be proven wrong), and Azhure is all affronted, because how dare he think he knows better than her. He’s only been doing this sort of thing his entire adult life, FFS – what a nerve!
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Axis asks her what forces she’d take and she says her archers, plus some Icarii, plus the giant doggies. Whereupon Axis says okay, he’s putting her in charge of the assault. In an all too rare example of characters reacting sensibly, both Belial and Margarita are mortified, but of course Azhure says yes while thinking “she knew she could lead this mission”. Ah yes, thanks to your long years of training and experience, Azhure, you are of course perfectly entitled to feel confident in your ability to- Oh wait.
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Belial tells her she doesn’t know what she’s doing, which would be a perfectly valid point except that we’re then informed that he’s just concerned for her safety. Axis notices and wonders what the two of them got up to during his absence.
Oh, it was just a brief romantic flirtation based on mutual respect rather than date rape and stalking, Axis. Nothing you’d know anything about.
Anyway, Axis says not to worry; he’s going too to support Azhure. Belial keeps criticising the plan, calling it “a foolhardy adventure”.
Of course, all this is just here so we’ll be suitably impressed when the pair of them pull it off without a hitch, thereby making themselves look extra “heroic” in the process. This is a trick I’ve seen many, many writers pull, and it’s cheap as hell.
Bet you fifty bucks there will be a scene afterwards where Belial is all “omg you proved me wrong! What a fool I was, You Are Awesome!”.
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Awesome enough to warrant this rather disturbing fanart, apparently. Note the fine example of the character being placed in a ridiculously unnatural pose just to show off as much ass as possible while mostly naked and wearing a "come hither" look. This is pretty much how Axis sees her, though, so points for that I guess. But seriously - spines do NOT work that way.
Finally Axis tells Azhure that this time she’s leaving the Sue Baby behind with a wet nurse because this isn’t going to be a “gentle patrol”. That’s what you’re calling her earlier display of endangering your child’s life out of sheer vanity, Axis? Because wow, fuck you too.
Cut to Mr and Mrs Sue the next morning, checking out the ruins of Hsingard. After a uselessly detailed description of Azhure’s clothes, we’re informed that no Skraelings are visible and that they may have gone underground to their “nests”.
The Sues discuss the situation for a while, and then Azhure sends one of her giant dogs to scout ahead, and they finally enter the ruins. The term “higgledy-piggledy” is used. Funny, I always thought it was “higgedly-piggeldy”, but spellcheck says the book is right and I’ve been getting it wrong all this time. Either way it’s silly and belongs in a book for children, not a "serious" high fantasy novel.
The author then throws in some innuendo, as their approach is referred to as a “silent penetration”. Hey, none of that before marriage, you heathens!
Oh, but that’s okay, because then the Skraelings ambush them through cracks in the ground and in no time at all Azhure and her command are “engaged” with them.
Still should’ve waited for the wedding night. I’m just saying.
A battle ensues, and it’s… well honestly, it’s just boring. The writing style doesn’t change in the slightest to reflect the fact that this is an action scene. The sentences remain long rather than short and snappy, and the author makes the mistake of analysing what’s going on rather than just letting it happen.
On top of that, the author also commits the cardinal sin of not keeping a tight POV while this is happening – we’re not in Azhure’s head, feeling what she feels or thinking what she thinks. Or… wait, was this supposed to be from Axis’ POV? It was before. I’m honestly not sure, because right now it just reads like third person omniscient.
It’s detached. That’s the word I’d use to sum this up. Detached. We’re not in the moment, experiencing it as the characters do. Instead we’re just uninvolved spectators watching from behind six layers of bulletproof glass.
As a result of which, it doesn’t feel as if anything in particular is at stake, or that anyone is in danger. It’s just kind of happening, and the author doesn’t really seem to care much one way or the other.
Basically all you really need to know is that Azhure is awesome and brilliant and shows absolutely no sign of being shocked, afraid, or even surprised that the evil maneating ghosts just came up out of the ground.
Oh, and despite the ambush nobody could possibly have seen coming, she doesn’t lose so much as a single soldier. Of course.
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Oh wait... yes I did.
Once the fight is over Azure – still dead calm (seriously, she might as well be doing her tax returns for all the emotion she’s showing right now) checks out the dead Skraelings. They’re not ghostly any more – now they’re “well muscled” and stand like humans, and have bony armour which is “virtually impervious to a sword thrust”.
Then… why were none of Azhure’s swordsmen killed, and why did they win this confrontation?
(Answer: Because Sue, of course. If they’d lost this fight, Azhure would have suffered a realistic setback as a consequence of being a, y’know, peasant womanwith no training, and we can’t have that).
Axis emotionlessly remarks that the Skraelings are changing, and Azhure says they have them outnumbered at the moment, but what will they do next winter when they have to deal with a typo- uh, I mean “hundreds of thousand [sic] of bone-armoured Skraelings” who are “almost completely impervious to sword or even arrow”.
Again, if they’re virtually impervious to weapons, how the fuck did you just defeat them with no casualties? No I will not accept “because Azhure is a brilliant commander” as an answer, because fuck you, I’m not doing that.
They move on and are attacked “three more times”. We don’t actually get to see that; instead we’re just informed that they use flaming arrows to fight back.
Then Azhure ably demonstrates that she is now a sociopath:
Oh, and Axis is also a sociopath, but we already knew that. And the author used “exhultation” or equivalent twice in the same paragraph, but that’s also par for the course.
We then get further evidence that they’re both Sues, as if that was needed.
Both felt invulnerable and immortal. Nothing could harm them while they stood back to back, leaning against each other.
Aw, isn’t that sweet? They’re bonding over both being laughing, grinning lunatics who enjoy killing.
Seriously, what is it with authors like this one who think it’s “cool” to show your heroes laughing and smiling while in battle? This is not how a hero behaves. Heroic people do not enjoy killing, even if they’re killing monsters. The Skraelings are still sentient beings! What is wrong with the pair of you? Killing sentient beings or even animals is not something you should enjoy!
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Not a heroic character.
After the battle is over, we get a truly gag-inducing scene in which Axis grabs Azhure and tells her he loves her, and then goes off to help the rest of their troops. Azhure watches him go and thinks “What did it mean, that he loved her? [Uh, he said “I love you”, moron. I’m pretty sure he meant he loves you] “What did he mean? Love her or not, Axis would still go to Faraday. She was his future, not Azhure”.
Azhure? You are an idiot. What she should be thinking right now is something like “I knew he loved me but now he’s finally said it aloud it means so much more!” or “Oh, he’s so sweet and I love him back – but I feel so bad for Faraday!”. Rather than something that basically amounts to “wat are wurds?”
Anyway, moving right along from this soap opera nonsense, one of Azhure’s dogs sniffs out a hole. She and Axis check it out and find a set of stairs leading underground. They discuss whether to check it out, and Azhure seriously pulls rank on Axis and tells him to stay outside with most of the troops because reasons. Axis says no, he’s going with her, so Azhure “shortly” says okay, but he has to make himself useful and light the way down.
Axis summons a werelight or whatever you want to call it – it’s a ball of light which he “rolls” down the stairs. Azhure sends one of her dogs after it, and the rest of them follow. Description of the underground thingy they’ve found follows. It’s really fuck-off cold with ice everywhere.
The dog stops by a door, and Azhure goes over and pets his “thick, creamy hairs” and… uh, somehow knows that he hasn’t been through the door and doesn’t like it. How does she know this? She just does. Magic, probably. Axis warns her to be careful, and she “unhesitatingly” goes over to the door.
Hey, remember when Azhure actually showed fear in dangerous situations? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
To cut a long story short they go in and find a lot of Skraeling eggs and newly hatched babies. Aw, how adorable.
Axis declares that there must be nests like this all through the caverns here, ready for next winter. Whereupon Azhure, the woman who “overruns with compassion and love”, pulls an Eragon and sets the lot of them on fire.
Yup, she just burned a lot of newborn babies alive with zero remorse or hesitation. I told you she was a sociopath.
Then she and the rest of them make a break for it, all while hearing “the screams of the now rapidly burning hatchlings”.
Lovely.
This catches the attention of the adult Skraelings, and the alleged good guys have to fight their way out of the city in a bloody battle which wounds (but again, doesn’t kill) a lot of them.
No, I didn’t just summarise the entire battle in one sentence – that was the author. Seriously, the “bloody battle” is just summarised in a dispassionate paragraph. I think that pretty well demonstrates where her priorities lie.
The two Sues get to their horses, and some drama is had over the fact that Azhure has a cut on her ribs. Oe noes! But they mount up with no trouble and ride off in a hurry, and Azhure starts laughing. Seriously. Killing is AWESOME, you guys! HAHAHAHAH!
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STILL not a heroic character.
The moment they’re at a safe distance they stop, and Azhure is “smiling with the excitement of the battle”. Wow, no.
But uh-oh, her shirt is “soaked with blood”, so prepare for more melodrama and false tension as the author tries to convince us that something bad might happen. Axis declares that the wound needs stitching, and Azhure lets him bandage it and then declares that “it’s nothing” and others are hurt more seriously than her. She goes off to check on them, and feels “proud” that she’s wounded.
Uh, what? Are you high, Azhure? Because between that and the hysterical giggling I’m starting to get suspicious.
Axis watches her “eyes veiled”. Could he finally be growing a brain? Nah, must be just a coincidence.
Cut to them arriving back at Sigholt, where Belial meets them. He asks Azhure if she’s okay, and she replies that t’is but a scratch. (No, seriously. She actually says this).
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"I've had worse."
"You liar!"
Axis then notices that the place is full of Ravensbundmen, who Belial says arrived yesterday.
Demi Moore, here impressively described as “a tall black-haired man” shows up, and in a moment of completely pointless drama Axis sees that the “naked circle” in the middle of his tattooed forehead now has a symbol of a “bloodied sun” in it and it’s the same with everyone else.
Yup, that’s why all the Ravensbund had facial tattoos with a blank spot over the forehead. So they could put Axis’ symbol there later on. This is just to really hammer it in that he’s their god now. Because swearing their undying loyalty and giving him command over all their fighters wasn’t enough, apparently.
I’ve seen plenty of Sue worship over the years, but this is over the line from Sue worship and right into worship, worship.
Of a sociopathic rapist.
And it’s only going to get worse and more blatant from here.
I’m going to go and stare into the mirror and cry some more now.
Also,

The next chapter is with – oh joy – Azhure. She’s trying to convince Axis and the other commanders that some plan of hers will work. Yes, let’s all listen to the untrained peasant with maybe two months of experience in the field. I wouldn’t trust this woman to plan Laundry Day.
From this opening hook we cut to – oh goodie – infodumping. This is, you will recall, a trick Paolini also likes to pull. Open with a hook, then cut to flashback/infodump. Apparently since the Ravensbund nicked off, Axis has ordered the Icarii to ease off and has more or less left Borneheld to his own devices since the Skraelings have been mostly defeated and it’ll be Spring soon.
Cut back to the present moment, and apparently Azhure has “conceived of a final strike against the Skraelings”. What, is she suggesting they give them some free blankets infected with smallpox?
…oh, I did not just go there.
Belial asks if it’s worth it and Azhure is all like DUH, of course it’s worth it, and they should attack Isengar- uh, I mean Hsingard. More infodumping informs us that the city is in ruins and is full of Skraelings who may or may not be using it as a base. Azhure keeps insisting that they should attack it. Margarita steps in and points out that it could well be a trap. He takes the opportunity to remind Axis about what happened at Gherkintown.
Naturally Axis is on Azhure’s side. Rather than, y’know, listening to the actual military commanders at the table. I really wish someone would call him out on his obvious favouritism, and hopefully say something like “you’re listening to her above the rest of us just because she has your balls in her purse! WAKE UP, man!” But nope, not going to happen. Can't risk giving Axis an acknowledged flaw, after all.
Azhure keeps arguing, and outlines a strategy of attack. I know I’m beating a dead horse by this point, but when the fuck she she know anything about military strategy? I mean really. Axis continues to agree with her, and when Belial “pleads” with him to use some goddamn common sense, he starts whining about how he’s been doing nothing but sit safely at home (correct) and wants to see some action. But as you will soon see, "action" involving Axis is always boring, easy, and 100% safe. With Borneheld you get World War One. With Axis you get an FPS on godmode.
Belial calls the whole idea “foolish” (this of course means he will be proven wrong), and Azhure is all affronted, because how dare he think he knows better than her. He’s only been doing this sort of thing his entire adult life, FFS – what a nerve!

Axis asks her what forces she’d take and she says her archers, plus some Icarii, plus the giant doggies. Whereupon Axis says okay, he’s putting her in charge of the assault. In an all too rare example of characters reacting sensibly, both Belial and Margarita are mortified, but of course Azhure says yes while thinking “she knew she could lead this mission”. Ah yes, thanks to your long years of training and experience, Azhure, you are of course perfectly entitled to feel confident in your ability to- Oh wait.

Belial tells her she doesn’t know what she’s doing, which would be a perfectly valid point except that we’re then informed that he’s just concerned for her safety. Axis notices and wonders what the two of them got up to during his absence.
Oh, it was just a brief romantic flirtation based on mutual respect rather than date rape and stalking, Axis. Nothing you’d know anything about.
Anyway, Axis says not to worry; he’s going too to support Azhure. Belial keeps criticising the plan, calling it “a foolhardy adventure”.
Of course, all this is just here so we’ll be suitably impressed when the pair of them pull it off without a hitch, thereby making themselves look extra “heroic” in the process. This is a trick I’ve seen many, many writers pull, and it’s cheap as hell.
Bet you fifty bucks there will be a scene afterwards where Belial is all “omg you proved me wrong! What a fool I was, You Are Awesome!”.

Awesome enough to warrant this rather disturbing fanart, apparently. Note the fine example of the character being placed in a ridiculously unnatural pose just to show off as much ass as possible while mostly naked and wearing a "come hither" look. This is pretty much how Axis sees her, though, so points for that I guess. But seriously - spines do NOT work that way.
Finally Axis tells Azhure that this time she’s leaving the Sue Baby behind with a wet nurse because this isn’t going to be a “gentle patrol”. That’s what you’re calling her earlier display of endangering your child’s life out of sheer vanity, Axis? Because wow, fuck you too.
Cut to Mr and Mrs Sue the next morning, checking out the ruins of Hsingard. After a uselessly detailed description of Azhure’s clothes, we’re informed that no Skraelings are visible and that they may have gone underground to their “nests”.
The Sues discuss the situation for a while, and then Azhure sends one of her giant dogs to scout ahead, and they finally enter the ruins. The term “higgledy-piggledy” is used. Funny, I always thought it was “higgedly-piggeldy”, but spellcheck says the book is right and I’ve been getting it wrong all this time. Either way it’s silly and belongs in a book for children, not a "serious" high fantasy novel.
The author then throws in some innuendo, as their approach is referred to as a “silent penetration”. Hey, none of that before marriage, you heathens!
Oh, but that’s okay, because then the Skraelings ambush them through cracks in the ground and in no time at all Azhure and her command are “engaged” with them.
Still should’ve waited for the wedding night. I’m just saying.
A battle ensues, and it’s… well honestly, it’s just boring. The writing style doesn’t change in the slightest to reflect the fact that this is an action scene. The sentences remain long rather than short and snappy, and the author makes the mistake of analysing what’s going on rather than just letting it happen.
On top of that, the author also commits the cardinal sin of not keeping a tight POV while this is happening – we’re not in Azhure’s head, feeling what she feels or thinking what she thinks. Or… wait, was this supposed to be from Axis’ POV? It was before. I’m honestly not sure, because right now it just reads like third person omniscient.
It’s detached. That’s the word I’d use to sum this up. Detached. We’re not in the moment, experiencing it as the characters do. Instead we’re just uninvolved spectators watching from behind six layers of bulletproof glass.
As a result of which, it doesn’t feel as if anything in particular is at stake, or that anyone is in danger. It’s just kind of happening, and the author doesn’t really seem to care much one way or the other.
Basically all you really need to know is that Azhure is awesome and brilliant and shows absolutely no sign of being shocked, afraid, or even surprised that the evil maneating ghosts just came up out of the ground.
Oh, and despite the ambush nobody could possibly have seen coming, she doesn’t lose so much as a single soldier. Of course.

Oh wait... yes I did.
Once the fight is over Azure – still dead calm (seriously, she might as well be doing her tax returns for all the emotion she’s showing right now) checks out the dead Skraelings. They’re not ghostly any more – now they’re “well muscled” and stand like humans, and have bony armour which is “virtually impervious to a sword thrust”.
Then… why were none of Azhure’s swordsmen killed, and why did they win this confrontation?
(Answer: Because Sue, of course. If they’d lost this fight, Azhure would have suffered a realistic setback as a consequence of being a, y’know, peasant womanwith no training, and we can’t have that).
Axis emotionlessly remarks that the Skraelings are changing, and Azhure says they have them outnumbered at the moment, but what will they do next winter when they have to deal with a typo- uh, I mean “hundreds of thousand [sic] of bone-armoured Skraelings” who are “almost completely impervious to sword or even arrow”.
Again, if they’re virtually impervious to weapons, how the fuck did you just defeat them with no casualties? No I will not accept “because Azhure is a brilliant commander” as an answer, because fuck you, I’m not doing that.
They move on and are attacked “three more times”. We don’t actually get to see that; instead we’re just informed that they use flaming arrows to fight back.
Then Azhure ably demonstrates that she is now a sociopath:
Azhure found herself fighting alongside Axis. She laughed exhaultantly as she rammed the brand she carried into the face of a Skraeling as Axis seized another and thrust his sword deep into one of its eye cavities [snip]. “A service,” he cried, grinning at her exhaultation, then abruptly leaned forward, unmindful of the battle going on, and kissed her fiercely.
Oh, and Axis is also a sociopath, but we already knew that. And the author used “exhultation” or equivalent twice in the same paragraph, but that’s also par for the course.
We then get further evidence that they’re both Sues, as if that was needed.
Both felt invulnerable and immortal. Nothing could harm them while they stood back to back, leaning against each other.
Aw, isn’t that sweet? They’re bonding over both being laughing, grinning lunatics who enjoy killing.
Seriously, what is it with authors like this one who think it’s “cool” to show your heroes laughing and smiling while in battle? This is not how a hero behaves. Heroic people do not enjoy killing, even if they’re killing monsters. The Skraelings are still sentient beings! What is wrong with the pair of you? Killing sentient beings or even animals is not something you should enjoy!

Not a heroic character.
After the battle is over, we get a truly gag-inducing scene in which Axis grabs Azhure and tells her he loves her, and then goes off to help the rest of their troops. Azhure watches him go and thinks “What did it mean, that he loved her? [Uh, he said “I love you”, moron. I’m pretty sure he meant he loves you] “What did he mean? Love her or not, Axis would still go to Faraday. She was his future, not Azhure”.
Azhure? You are an idiot. What she should be thinking right now is something like “I knew he loved me but now he’s finally said it aloud it means so much more!” or “Oh, he’s so sweet and I love him back – but I feel so bad for Faraday!”. Rather than something that basically amounts to “wat are wurds?”
Anyway, moving right along from this soap opera nonsense, one of Azhure’s dogs sniffs out a hole. She and Axis check it out and find a set of stairs leading underground. They discuss whether to check it out, and Azhure seriously pulls rank on Axis and tells him to stay outside with most of the troops because reasons. Axis says no, he’s going with her, so Azhure “shortly” says okay, but he has to make himself useful and light the way down.
Axis summons a werelight or whatever you want to call it – it’s a ball of light which he “rolls” down the stairs. Azhure sends one of her dogs after it, and the rest of them follow. Description of the underground thingy they’ve found follows. It’s really fuck-off cold with ice everywhere.
The dog stops by a door, and Azhure goes over and pets his “thick, creamy hairs” and… uh, somehow knows that he hasn’t been through the door and doesn’t like it. How does she know this? She just does. Magic, probably. Axis warns her to be careful, and she “unhesitatingly” goes over to the door.
Hey, remember when Azhure actually showed fear in dangerous situations? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
To cut a long story short they go in and find a lot of Skraeling eggs and newly hatched babies. Aw, how adorable.
Axis declares that there must be nests like this all through the caverns here, ready for next winter. Whereupon Azhure, the woman who “overruns with compassion and love”, pulls an Eragon and sets the lot of them on fire.
Yup, she just burned a lot of newborn babies alive with zero remorse or hesitation. I told you she was a sociopath.
Then she and the rest of them make a break for it, all while hearing “the screams of the now rapidly burning hatchlings”.
Lovely.
This catches the attention of the adult Skraelings, and the alleged good guys have to fight their way out of the city in a bloody battle which wounds (but again, doesn’t kill) a lot of them.
No, I didn’t just summarise the entire battle in one sentence – that was the author. Seriously, the “bloody battle” is just summarised in a dispassionate paragraph. I think that pretty well demonstrates where her priorities lie.
The two Sues get to their horses, and some drama is had over the fact that Azhure has a cut on her ribs. Oe noes! But they mount up with no trouble and ride off in a hurry, and Azhure starts laughing. Seriously. Killing is AWESOME, you guys! HAHAHAHAH!

STILL not a heroic character.
The moment they’re at a safe distance they stop, and Azhure is “smiling with the excitement of the battle”. Wow, no.
But uh-oh, her shirt is “soaked with blood”, so prepare for more melodrama and false tension as the author tries to convince us that something bad might happen. Axis declares that the wound needs stitching, and Azhure lets him bandage it and then declares that “it’s nothing” and others are hurt more seriously than her. She goes off to check on them, and feels “proud” that she’s wounded.
Uh, what? Are you high, Azhure? Because between that and the hysterical giggling I’m starting to get suspicious.
Axis watches her “eyes veiled”. Could he finally be growing a brain? Nah, must be just a coincidence.
Cut to them arriving back at Sigholt, where Belial meets them. He asks Azhure if she’s okay, and she replies that t’is but a scratch. (No, seriously. She actually says this).

"I've had worse."
"You liar!"
Axis then notices that the place is full of Ravensbundmen, who Belial says arrived yesterday.
Demi Moore, here impressively described as “a tall black-haired man” shows up, and in a moment of completely pointless drama Axis sees that the “naked circle” in the middle of his tattooed forehead now has a symbol of a “bloodied sun” in it and it’s the same with everyone else.
Yup, that’s why all the Ravensbund had facial tattoos with a blank spot over the forehead. So they could put Axis’ symbol there later on. This is just to really hammer it in that he’s their god now. Because swearing their undying loyalty and giving him command over all their fighters wasn’t enough, apparently.
I’ve seen plenty of Sue worship over the years, but this is over the line from Sue worship and right into worship, worship.
Of a sociopathic rapist.
And it’s only going to get worse and more blatant from here.
I’m going to go and stare into the mirror and cry some more now.
